


Evil Hot Cocoa Man

by notjodieyet



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: (but not really), F/M, Fluffy as hell, Hot Cocoa, Ice Skating, M/M, Oneshot, TenRose - Freeform, Thoschei, alternate title for this was it's one child rose how much could it cost ten dollars, and rose doesn't go to an alternate dimension, au where martha donna and rose all live in the tardis, but I'm impatient, but all the children are fine, but i guess tony counts too, by children i mean the doctor and the master chiefly, i freaking love my betas, i repeat NOT, i say thoschei but i really mean the master being dramatic and the doctor being annoyed, if you're here for the thoschei you probably shouldn't be here, martha and donna are at brunch, pure fluff, rose stabs herself with a needle by accident, slight blood reference, tardis lounge discord encourages me too much, that's a terrible idea, this hasn't been edited all the way through, this is NOT tentoo, who gives rose a baby, who lets this woman sew
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:54:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22319686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notjodieyet/pseuds/notjodieyet
Summary: Jackie gives Tony to Rose to take care of for a couple hours. Everything goes kind of... not well.
Relationships: Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler, Tenth Doctor/The Master (Simm)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 38





	Evil Hot Cocoa Man

It’s just one child, Rose. It’s just for a few hours, Rose. You have three other people on that ship of yours, Rose, how hard can it be?

 _Pretty damn hard, mum,_ thought Rose, balancing a screaming eighteen-month-old on her hip with one hand and trying to stitch a patch into a pair of her ripped-up jeans with the other. She’d stabbed herself three times today with her needle.

And counting.

Rose rocked her little brother back and forth, willing him to shut the fuck up. Donna and Martha were out having brunch, and the Doctor had miraculously disappeared that morning. He was probably deep into a stack of books about physics. Or whatever.

Rose managed to get another two wobby stitches before sticking herself in the finger again, this time more viciously than before.

“Ow!”

Tony wailed even louder.

“How mad d’ya think Mum would be if I hit him in the head?” Rose grumbled to her bleeding finger.

The blood did not respond.

“We’re going to get a plaster for this, alright, Tony?” she crooned to the baby. “Then we can… do baby things! We can go build with blocks. You like blocks?”

Tony sobbed, waving his tiny little arms about.

“You’re an upset little thing, aren’t you, darling?” said a voice from behind Rose. The Doctor leaned over her and scooped Tony up in his arms, rocking him back and forth. “Aww, what are you so worked up about, love?”

Rose smiled to herself, and set down the needle and her jeans on the kitchen table. “He’s been sobbing all morning. I tried giving him some grapes — Jackie said he liked grapes — but he just spat them on me, and…”

Tony had stopped crying. Rose stared at him, her mouth dropping open. “You’re a miracle worker.”

The Doctor grinned. “Just sang a little song to him. Can’t for the life of me remember where I learned it, but it seems to do the trick.”

Rose leaned forward and kissed him. “I’m impressed.”

“Want to tell me why we have a baby in the TARDIS?” he said, handing Tony, who was now giggling baby language to himself, back to Rose.

“Jackie dropped him off.”

“Jackie in the habit of dropping off babies on the TARDIS, now?” He wandered over to the chair across from Rose’s jeans and began fidgeting with the needle.

“You stop that. You’re going to hurt yourself.”

He dropped the needle, his lip sticking out into a pout, and said, “I’ll be fine. Jackie in the habit of dropping off babies?”

“He’s my brother.”

“Ah, T — Ty — yeah, your brother,” said the Doctor.

“ _Tony_.”

“Tony Tyler?” The Doctor scrunched up his nose. “That’s god-awful. His middle name better not be Thomas.”

“He’s my brother! Be nice.” Rose sat down again and snatched the needle back from him.

“Your brother has a god-awful name,” muttered the Doctor.

“I can still hear you, you know.”

The Doctor looked at her with his impish, I-didn’t-do-anything grin. “Didn’t say anything.” He stood and walked over to the door, shouting from the kitchen. “Gonna fix the toaster!”

Tony made a little squealing noise and made grabby hands for Rose’s hair. Rose batted his hand away.

“Hey babe, we’re not doing that right now. No.” Rose weaseled away the strand that Tony was clutching in his teeny fingers. “You wanna go watch the Doctor fix the toaster? Yeah? Yeah? Okay.”

They made their way into the kitchen. The toaster was lying in two pieces on the kitchen floor, and the sonic was happily buzzing away as the Doctor tried to attach some wire thing to another wire thing.

“Ah! Ah!” burbled Tony, making a motion as if to seize the Doctor.

“You wanna go say hi? Think he’s a little busy now, honey.”

“Nah, it’s all right.” The Doctor dropped the wire things and slipped the sonic back in his pocket. Tony fell still, and the Doctor laughed. “Think he was more interested in the sonic than me.”

Nevertheless, the Doctor took Tony from Rose and began to speak to him in very soft tones. “Oh, you tiny little thing. We’re going for a walk!” he shouted back to Rose, and they left through a door that she was pretty sure hadn’t been there a few minutes ago.

“Have fun,” she said after them. At least she had time to finish her jeans now.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, the Doctor returned with a wailing Tony. “He’s crying again, Rose.”

“Mm,” said Rose, and paused the TV show she’d been watching. “You stopped it last time.”

“I _know_. But he won’t stop for anything.”

Rose got up off the couch and shrugged. “We could go outside — weren’t we going ice skating today?”

“You can’t take a baby ice skating.”

“Can too.”

“We don’t have any baby sized coats, Rose.”

Rose held up a finger and dashed into the other room, where Jackie had left Tony’s baby blanket, knit hat, and little boots (so his toes wouldn’t get cold). “Here you go,” she said, swaddling Tony in the blanket and pulling the hat down to his ears. He did not appreciate it, and only screamed louder when Rose fit the boots over his teeny feet. “Shut up.”

“Do not tell our — do not tell your brother to shut up,” said the Doctor.

“Well, he should.”

“Let’s just go. Get something warm, you’re not taking my jacket again.”

“Even if I make pretty eyes at you?”

“Get your own coat, Rose!”

* * *

Another five minutes later, they were ready to go. (The Doctor was wearing some ridiculous, approximately-seventy-foot-long scarf in various colors).

It was nice and chilly at the ice skating rink, and there were little booths set up for hot cocoa and snacks and ice skates. The Doctor and Rose, who was now cradling her still-howling brother, sat down at a little wooden structure that advertised hot chocolate.

A slightly snakish man turned around and grinned. “Can I get you two anything?”

“Two hot cocoas, please?”

The man looked at Tony. “Anything for your… _son_?” He scowled at the Doctor as he said it, as if somehow greatly offended at the idea that the Doctor would have a child.

“Not my son,” allowed the Doctor. “Just…”

“My brother,” laughed Rose. “And no, thank you.”

The man relaxed, slightly, and turned around to make the hot chocolate. “Maybe a small cup? I won’t charge you anything extra.”

“Thanks.”

The Doctor drummed his fingers on the table, which was apparently quite offensive to Tony, who became even louder.

The man stopped making the cocoa and turned back around. “Won’t stop crying?”

“How could you tell?”

The man smirked, a particularly… _evil _?__ smirk, if that was possible. “Marshmallows, Doctor?”

The Doctor blinked. “I didn’t tell you my name.”

The man arched both eyebrows, looking as if he was trying to decide whether to be horrified or dramatically smug, and decided upon the latter. “Oh, Doctor.”

“This isn’t funny.”

“Oh, Doctor,” he said again, flinging his upper half over the wooden counter of the hot cocoa booth and flinging his arm into the air. “‘Tis I, your worst, your most —”

“Shut it, Master.”

“You guessed!” He straightened and looked quite pleased with himself. “Who’s the new sidekick?”

“Rose! It’s a pleasure.”

“It’s not a pleasure, Rose, he’s evil,” hissed the Doctor.

“Nice to meet you too, Rose. Can I see the baby?”

Rose eyed him suspiciously, but Tony was louder than ever. “Dunno about that. You said he was evil?”

“You know the Doctor. Says that about everyone who messes up one of his suit jackets. Or two. Or seven.”

“That didn’t happen,” said the Doctor.

“Did too,” said the evil hot cocoa man.

“Why do you want Tony, anyway?”

“I think I can get him quiet.”

Rose shrugged and handed her brother over. She would, she remarked to herself, probably make a terrible parent.

“Rose!?” said the Doctor.

The evil hot cocoa man started to sing a lullaby to the baby in a language Rose didn’t understand. She caught the Doctor humming along, quietly.

They stood there, Rose’s nose beginning to freeze, evil hot cocoa man singing to her brother, and the Doctor pretending not to sing along.

Tony quieted, and then began to — Rose couldn’t believe her eyes — fall asleep.

“Thank you very much, sir,” said Rose, as evil hot cocoa man handed a snoring Tony back over.

“Yeah. Well. Don’t mention it.”

The Doctor glared at him. “Why are you here, anyway?”

Evil hot cocoa man simply smiled and said, “There’s nothing for you to stop, Doctor. Have a nice day.”

“Wait. You can’t just…”

“Leave? That’s exactly what I’m doing, darling.” Evil hot cocoa man waved, winked, and ducked under the counter. Rose didn’t see him go, but he had completely disappeared when she checked in the booth.

“You quite all right?” said Rose to the Doctor.

“Fine. Fine. I hate him.”

“Mm hmm.”

“Dunno what that’s supposed to mean.”

Rose hit him gently in the arm, careful not to rock Tony too much. “Why don’t we skip ice skating for today —”

“Bastard never made us hot cocoas.”

“We have cocoa mix at home. Why don’t we skip ice skating, put on Octonauts for Tony, and cuddle on the couch?”

The Doctor looked at her with those melty, love-you-more eyes that he’d just sort of been giving to evil hot cocoa man, and said, “Sounds wonderful. Another time.”

“Another time.”

They walked away, and Rose had the uncomfortable feeling of evil hot cocoa man’s eyes on her back.


End file.
